Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Worst Thing On TV This Week/Ever

I am a sucker for Doomsday movies. Not only did I love Armageddon (the movie), I actually hate people who hate it. It's like hating Coldplay - you're just trying to make a point. There's no way you didn't cry when Bruce Willis flashed back to his daughter on a swing set, laugh when Owen Wilson said "Scariest environment imaginable," or swoon when Ben Affleck narrated the Animal Cracker documentary on Liv Tyler's body. Even Armageddon's sister movie, Deep Impact contributed something important to the world - it was the first major studio release to soften America to the idea of a Black President. You're welcome, Obama.

This is why I was very excited to see NBC's original feature with the simple, campy all-you-need-to-know title, METEOR!!! Emphasis added. I watched it last night, and let me start by saying that about 90 minutes in, I opened my laptop and Googled "meteor terrible" just to see what was out there. That's when I found out that I was actually watching the second part of a FOUR HOUR MINISERIES. I'm usually pretty good at knowing when I've tuned into the middle of a movie, but Meteor was so disjointed and nonsensical that coming into the plot halfway through actually made perfect sense.

I regret to inform you that there are no 'Memorable Quotes' filled into Meteor's IMDB page. That really limits my ability to prove how miraculously awful it was. What are you waiting for, people?? Did you not find the line "My father went out for cigarettes when I was twelve and never came back" memorable? Because I remembered it - from lots of other things that were not Meteor. What about the part where the general is trying to figure out a way to communicate with a space station in orbit, but they don't have an audio feed, and an assistant says "We don't need audio, Sir. Just pulses." And then he says "Good thinking, soldier. Morse Code." Hahaha. Yeah, good thinking. I'm surprised a four-star general didn't think of that.

I'm not prone to hyberbole, but his is probably the worst movie ever made. And that's including The Lake House. That being said, there is some decent sound editing. So check it out.

I am going to track down Part One of Meteor and watch it tonight.

I am serious.

I am Ledgin.

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