Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dog Bites Penis

I I really need to add anything to that description? Fine, I will. Dog Bites Penis of Small Child. Now watch.

Thanks Internets, for being a window into the lives of people I don't ever want to associate with on an interactive level.

With a responsible owner like this, is it any wonder that this animal has casts on his ears?

I am laughing at a small child's pain and humiliation.

I am not proud of this.

I am Ledgin.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Thoughts to Get You Through Your Shitty Day

Always remember that 'bigot' is just an 'idi' away from 'big idiot.' What's an 'idi'? I don't know, ask a Jew or an Asian. They're pretty smart.

I always thought the coolest explanation of our existence would be if we're just some tiny organism in a much bigger organism's universe - like the way we are to ants. But if you were to explain to an ant what goes on up here, I'll bet the ant would be like "Oh." So maybe we shouldn't spend so much time wondering what's out there. It's probably super boring.

Here's what to do if you farted and think you might have pooped your pants. Step 1: check to see if you pooped your pants. Step 2: if yes, wash hands; if no, probably wash hands. Now you know.

I am a super deep thinker.

I am Ledgin.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Black vs. White: One Stupid Thing and One Smart Thing

Let's just settle the whole Black/White thing right now on this blog. Ready? Okay, go!

It's like......I mean who would even -- I don''s just...ok. Hmm.

That's way too hard. I'll let these videos do the heavy lifting for me.

One is a dissection of Henry Louis Gates, Jr.'s arrest in Cambridge - really smart even though it's stylized like a "Def Politics Jam."

The other is called "2 Black-sounding White Gay Dudes." So...yeah.

Give them both equal levels of your admiration, attention, and respect. Especially the funny one.

I am a racial healer.

I am Ledgin.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Let's Get Married...

...but only if you are willing to turn our wedding party into a Soul Train. I've walked down the aisle as a groomsman in a couple of weddings now. It's pretty boring. Then I saw this.

Add "hip hop dance choreographer" to your ever-increasing roster of wedding expenses, everyone!

I imagine the groom has been planning and plotting - ever since he watched every 80s movie - to one day lead his own dance crew, even for just one shining moment. Weddings make dreams come true.

I am willing to admit I cried when the bride entered.

I am Ledgin.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Worst Thing On TV This Week/Ever

I am a sucker for Doomsday movies. Not only did I love Armageddon (the movie), I actually hate people who hate it. It's like hating Coldplay - you're just trying to make a point. There's no way you didn't cry when Bruce Willis flashed back to his daughter on a swing set, laugh when Owen Wilson said "Scariest environment imaginable," or swoon when Ben Affleck narrated the Animal Cracker documentary on Liv Tyler's body. Even Armageddon's sister movie, Deep Impact contributed something important to the world - it was the first major studio release to soften America to the idea of a Black President. You're welcome, Obama.

This is why I was very excited to see NBC's original feature with the simple, campy all-you-need-to-know title, METEOR!!! Emphasis added. I watched it last night, and let me start by saying that about 90 minutes in, I opened my laptop and Googled "meteor terrible" just to see what was out there. That's when I found out that I was actually watching the second part of a FOUR HOUR MINISERIES. I'm usually pretty good at knowing when I've tuned into the middle of a movie, but Meteor was so disjointed and nonsensical that coming into the plot halfway through actually made perfect sense.

I regret to inform you that there are no 'Memorable Quotes' filled into Meteor's IMDB page. That really limits my ability to prove how miraculously awful it was. What are you waiting for, people?? Did you not find the line "My father went out for cigarettes when I was twelve and never came back" memorable? Because I remembered it - from lots of other things that were not Meteor. What about the part where the general is trying to figure out a way to communicate with a space station in orbit, but they don't have an audio feed, and an assistant says "We don't need audio, Sir. Just pulses." And then he says "Good thinking, soldier. Morse Code." Hahaha. Yeah, good thinking. I'm surprised a four-star general didn't think of that.

I'm not prone to hyberbole, but his is probably the worst movie ever made. And that's including The Lake House. That being said, there is some decent sound editing. So check it out.

I am going to track down Part One of Meteor and watch it tonight.

I am serious.

I am Ledgin.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

In Plane Sight

Should be a good flight!

Pity the burka'd airline traveler. Complain all you want about lugging heavy suitcases, last-minute gate changes, and unnecessary pat-downs - but try dealing with all that while fully cloaked in black from head to toe in the middle of July, battling crotch-and-pit sweat the likes of which I can hardly imagine. Then, when you finally make it on the plane and expect a little cool-down, enjoy the worried sideways glances and unabashed snickering of all your fellow passengers and crewmembers! I consider myself a progressive person, not prone to irrational or racist fears, but I have to admit when I saw this lady board part of me went, "Here we fuckin' go." But just part of me. The rest of me saw this as a hilarious photo opp.

Do you think she tried on a bunch of different glasses before settling on that pair? Did she have another contender that she kept holding up to other patrons, going "These...or these? These again...or these?" Uh, I don't really depends what your face looks like. When I buy glasses it takes me several hours to decide on a pair. If it was the only creative choice I got to make about my appearance EVER, I don't know that I would ever pick a frame. But it would make the whole "Scratch Resistance" and "High Index Lens" decisions easier. Yeah, I'll take everything. Everything possible for this one thing I get to have.

I spotted this woman in the airport before we boarded. She kind of sticks out in a crowd because of the whole 'ridiculous outfit' thing. Seeing her in the context of a million other normal-dressed humans, I had to wonder if she ever looks around and thinks "Wait a minute...AM I WEIRD?!" Because yes. The answer is yes. I mean, I think that about myself, and I don't look half as weird as this. Sometimes I go out in an outfit that I feel doesn't quite match, and everywhere I go I feel like people are staring at me thinking "Haha, that guy thinks you can wear a yellow shirt with green cargo pants! What a tool!" I can't think about anything but my humiliation until I go home and change. I can't imagine going out in public in a black shirt and pants, let alone a black onesy/glasses combo that makes me look like a near-sighted ghost.

This woman is possibly the bravest person I have ever met. And by 'met,' I mean 'cowardly taken a picture of for future mocking.' For this, I salute her - and laugh at how silly she looks.

I am nervously wondering if there's any chance this lady reads my blog.

I am Ledgin.