Friday, October 24, 2008
Really? REALLY?? Yes, really.
Hey, you know what's funny? When someone does something you think is ridiculous or outlandish, and then you go "Really? REALLY?" You know how I know that's funny? Because Chandler used to do it on "Friends." And he was the funny one.
Here's a follow-up question. Do you know when "Friends" came out? 1994. That means that if you are one of the people that at some point today said, "People are losing their homes all over the country, but there's a fundraiser to help Ed McMahon save his five million dollar mansion. I mean...REALLY?" you are making a joke that is at best fourteen years old, and at worst, totally annoying.
Look, I get it. The "really?" thing perfectly captures the 'I'm smart and you're stupid' sense of superiority that we feel towards all other human beings. It says: 'Are you actually doing what you are doing right now, or am I having a terrible, horrible nightmare? Because only the most retarded dumb fuck moron would be, in actuality, doing what you are doing. Please please please tell me I am in another dimension before my head explodes.' And I like that. Because it's true - the shit people try and pull with a straight face baffles me. Por ejemplo, I checked into a hotel in Las Vegas recently, and the clerk said to me (in her robot voice) "Just to let you know, your room IS on the strip side, right above a club, so there's VERY loud music playing until about six in the morning. Okay, I'll just get your keys..." Really?
The problem is, having been co-opted by my generation and thrown willy-nilly at even the mildest aberrations from the norm, the incredulous cry of "really?" has become something you can justifiably say "really?" to. I don't know how it happened. Maybe it was when Weekend Update started that kind-of-funny segment (called "Really?"). Maybe it was when Obama gave his "Yes We Can" speech and cynicism suddenly seemed SO 2006. Or maybe it was always annoying, and I have just recently gotten cooler. Nah...it was the Obama thing. So in the name of change we can believe in, let's all take a moment to reflect on the fact that an expression we often use to call out absurdity has itself become pretty absurd. And, that yes...really.
Having taken honors physics in 11th grade, I realize this will create an expression vacuum. So in its place, allow me to suggest an alternative. When someone does something ridiculous - something you cannot believe is being done by a member of your own species - just try saying this: 'You are stupid.' It totally works, and they will never see it coming. "Okay, I'll just get your keys..." "You are stupid." "You're right! I'll just switch you to one of our many available non-DJ-booth-sounding rooms!" See?
In short, please, stop with the really. You've had your fun.
I am begging you.
I am Ledgin.