Netf**x

The people who own Netflix are smart, and I am stupid - that's what I've realized after three years as a frustrated customer (frustomer).

Last night I watched In the Heat of the Night on Netflix's recommendation. Although they were slightly off on what I'd rate it (4.6?? more like 4.5!), it was a solid suggestion from one of my best friends slash logarithms. This morning, I slid the disc in its sleeve, packaged it up, and headed to the post office. Here's the weird thing: inside, I was full of vengeance and villainous bile. My inner voice was screaming "How do you like THAT, Netflix?! I'm USING YOU! Who's getting screwed NOW?" Me.

How did Netflix manage to convince me that by actually utilizing the service I've paid them for, I am somehow winning? Do I really think that at Netflix headquarters, they're gonna be like: "Fuck. This Ledgin guy sent back another movie! Now he wants "Mad Men: Disc One" by tomorrow...(sigh)...we'll be out of business by morning." I wish. But it probably goes more like this: "..." That's the sound of no one caring, or even knowing I exist. Actually, it probably sounds more like this: "$$$" That's the sound of $19.17 a month coming off my credit card and into their pockets. But that seems like a fair deal for UNLIMITED rentals, right? Wrong you idiot. You forgot that I am lazy and wasteful. During one 11-month stint of not returning DVDs, I actually paid $210.87 to 'lease' three old movies. I totally liked Klute, but it wasn't worth seventy dollars.

Most people I have questioned (Note: I have not questioned anyone) have had a similar experience, forgetting about their membership while the charges kept coming. But that's not Netflix's fault. They've literally made things as easy as possible. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LICK THE LETTER. The Netflix con is mental, not physical. They make you believe they're pitting you against them, when really it's you against you. Never return your movies? Great, they win. Return all of them every day? Awesome, they still win - and you're pathetic.

So what can I do, go back to Blockbuster? Of course not. I still have their copy of The China Syndrome sitting under my bed from four years ago, and I'm sure they charged me $20 for it. And I'm not doing THEIR mail-in service, because then I'd be saying I was okay with the fact that they screwed me with absurd late fees and crappy retail stores for years, and then when Netflix came around, went "Oh yeah. THAT'S the best/cheapest way to do things. We were kidding about the last two decades." You were not, Blockbuster.

I am stuck with Netflix. Canceling now would be like pulling all my money out of the stock market during the low point of the financial crisis - things just HAVE to turn around at some point, right? Eventually, I HAVE to be able to watch enough movies to make up for those 11 months...RIGHT?

I am confident that the fundamentals of Netflix are strong.

I am a loyal frustomer.

I am Ledgin.