Got Plagiarism?

A little part of my faith in humanity dies every time I see a new bastardization of the "Got Milk?" campaign. Apparently the Milk people were unable to trademark the slogan "Got __?" (since it's basically a question every company needs answered). This legal snafu has resulted in countless dumb billboards (and buttons, bumper stickers, etc.) including "Got Insurance?"(okay) or "Got Tires?" (come on now) or, I shit you not, "Got God?" (STOP). I guess Jesus knows a good deal on a free slogan when he sees one. Even the most absurdly lame rip-offs, however, have not prepared me for what I recently saw in the aisles of Costco. Behold:



This is real. This is fucking real. Someone suggested putting this slogan on a box of...I don't know, neck cream?...and some other EXECUTIVE thought that was a good idea and went with it. Then some wholesale buyer for Costco AGREED and bought like ten million large boxes of them. "Got Turkey Neck?" That's what this says, just to be clear. I wanted to make sure that we were looking at the same thing. Cool.

I am delighted to find out that I can still be surprised by the world. And by "the world," I mean Costco.

I am Ledgin.

Nookie Nookie Nookie Nookie

Can anyone explain to me why I like this? Because it's really upsetting me that I do.



I fear that the answer is "I'm racist." But I really hope not. Maybe it's just that she's so confused about what the funny thing is in this video, and I like that.

I am saying "Nookie" over and over inside my head.

I am Ledgin.

Dog Bites Penis

I mean...do I really need to add anything to that description? Fine, I will. Dog Bites Penis of Small Child. Now watch.

Thanks Internets, for being a window into the lives of people I don't ever want to associate with on an interactive level.

With a responsible owner like this, is it any wonder that this animal has casts on his ears?

I am laughing at a small child's pain and humiliation.

I am not proud of this.

I am Ledgin.

Thoughts to Get You Through Your Shitty Day

A THOUGHT ON RACISM

Always remember that 'bigot' is just an 'idi' away from 'big idiot.' What's an 'idi'? I don't know, ask a Jew or an Asian. They're pretty smart.

A THOUGHT ON THE GREAT BEYOND

I always thought the coolest explanation of our existence would be if we're just some tiny organism in a much bigger organism's universe - like the way we are to ants. But if you were to explain to an ant what goes on up here, I'll bet the ant would be like "Oh." So maybe we shouldn't spend so much time wondering what's out there. It's probably super boring.

A THOUGHT ON POOPING YOUR PANTS
Here's what to do if you farted and think you might have pooped your pants. Step 1: check to see if you pooped your pants. Step 2: if yes, wash hands; if no, probably wash hands. Now you know.

I am a super deep thinker.

I am Ledgin.

Black vs. White: One Stupid Thing and One Smart Thing

Let's just settle the whole Black/White thing right now on this blog. Ready? Okay, go!

It's like......I mean who would even -- I don't......it's just...ok. Hmm.

That's way too hard. I'll let these videos do the heavy lifting for me.

One is a dissection of Henry Louis Gates, Jr.'s arrest in Cambridge - really smart even though it's stylized like a "Def Politics Jam."

The other is called "2 Black-sounding White Gay Dudes." So...yeah.

Give them both equal levels of your admiration, attention, and respect. Especially the funny one.





I am a racial healer.

I am Ledgin.

Let's Get Married...

Add "hip hop dance choreographer" to your ever-increasing roster of wedding expenses, everyone!

I imagine the groom has been planning and plotting - ever since he watched every 80s movie - to one day lead his own dance crew, even for just one shining moment. Weddings make dreams come true.

I am willing to admit I cried when the bride entered.

I am Ledgin.

The Worst Thing On TV This Week/Ever

I am a sucker for Doomsday movies. Not only did I love Armageddon (the movie), I actually hate people who hate it. It's like hating Coldplay - you're just trying to make a point. There's no way you didn't cry when Bruce Willis flashed back to his daughter on a swing set, laugh when Owen Wilson said "Scariest environment imaginable," or swoon when Ben Affleck narrated the Animal Cracker documentary on Liv Tyler's body. Even Armageddon's sister movie, Deep Impact contributed something important to the world - it was the first major studio release to soften America to the idea of a Black President. You're welcome, Obama.

This is why I was very excited to see NBC's original feature with the simple, campy all-you-need-to-know title, METEOR!!! Emphasis added. I watched it last night, and let me start by saying that about 90 minutes in, I opened my laptop and Googled "meteor terrible" just to see what was out there. That's when I found out that I was actually watching the second part of a FOUR HOUR MINISERIES. I'm usually pretty good at knowing when I've tuned into the middle of a movie, but Meteor was so disjointed and nonsensical that coming into the plot halfway through actually made perfect sense.

I regret to inform you that there are no 'Memorable Quotes' filled into Meteor's IMDB page. That really limits my ability to prove how miraculously awful it was. What are you waiting for, people?? Did you not find the line "My father went out for cigarettes when I was twelve and never came back" memorable? Because I remembered it - from lots of other things that were not Meteor. What about the part where the general is trying to figure out a way to communicate with a space station in orbit, but they don't have an audio feed, and an assistant says "We don't need audio, Sir. Just pulses." And then he says "Good thinking, soldier. Morse Code." Hahaha. Yeah, good thinking. I'm surprised a four-star general didn't think of that.

I'm not prone to hyberbole, but his is probably the worst movie ever made. And that's including The Lake House. That being said, there is some decent sound editing. So check it out.

I am going to track down Part One of Meteor and watch it tonight.

I am serious.

I am Ledgin.